• Joke of the Day

    From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu Mar 15 05:19:14 2018

    ***********************************

    Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been
    married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
    The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring,and
    she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a
    seat while she prepared a little tea.

    As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut
    glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water
    floated, of all things, a condom.

    Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss
    Bea had flipped or something...!

    When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The
    pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its
    strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could
    resist no longer.

    "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
    (pointing to the bowl).

    "Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown
    last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The
    directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would
    prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri Mar 16 04:18:58 2018

    ***********************************

    A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was always late for work. When confronted by his boss the man explained: "You can't park anywhere near
    this place!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat Mar 17 04:18:50 2018

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    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You're convinced the laws of physics don't apply to you. Clive
    Halford thinks big! The British career criminal stole a truck and
    loaded it with 18 pallets of stolen nickel and copper worth around
    œ150,000 (about $250,000). Yes, the haul was huge-too huge. Cops
    arrested Halford after the truck's suspension collapsed under the
    weight. Earlier, Halford had stolen a car, overloaded it, and broken
    its suspension too.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun Mar 18 04:18:47 2018

    ***********************************

    One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot
    camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle,
    and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came
    from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the
    target.

    The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked
    at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger
    over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his
    other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled
    toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble
    must be at your end!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon Mar 19 04:18:50 2018

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    Q:What did the tornado say to the car?

    A:You wanna go for a spin?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue Mar 20 04:18:54 2018

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    How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
    You look for the sesame seed buns!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed Mar 21 04:18:44 2018

    ***********************************

    Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.
    Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick.
    Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars,
    Snickers and crisps'!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From Mike Powell@454:1/105 to JOKEMASTER on Wed Mar 21 18:24:00 2018
    Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.
    Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick.
    Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars,
    Snickers and crisps'!

    My favorite workout machine. :D

    ---
    * SLMR 2.1a * "My therapist was right...God DOES hate me!!!"-J.Sherman
    * Origin: Ilink: CCO - capitolcityonline.net:26 (454:1/105)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu Mar 22 04:19:03 2018

    ***********************************

    Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking
    around he heard a voice say,

    "Jes£s is watching you."

    He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard,
    "Jes£s is watching you."

    In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked
    the parrot, "Was it you who said Jes£s is watching me"

    The parrot replied, "Yes."

    Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?"

    The parrot said, "Clarence."

    The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named
    you Clarence?"

    The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jes£s."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From Daryl Stout@454:1/33 to MIKE POWELL on Thu Mar 22 14:38:00 2018
    Mike,

    Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.
    Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick.
    Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars,
    Snickers and crisps'!

    My favorite workout machine. :D

    And it gets a chance to eat as well. <G>

    Daryl

    ===
    þ OLX 1.53 þ A Steak Sandwich: A Porterhouse between 2 Ribeyes.
    --- SBBSecho 3.03-Win32
    * Origin: ILinkNet: The Thunderbolt BBS - wx1der.dyndns.org (454:1/33)
  • From Dan Richter@454:1/3 to Mike Powell on Thu Mar 22 18:30:05 2018
    On 03/21/18, Mike Powell said the following...

    Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.
    Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick.
    Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars,
    Snickers and crisps'!

    My favorite workout machine. :D

    I would use that machine, but I've been busy doing my new exercise here. Diddily-Sqats
    ;)


    ---

    Black Panther
    a.k.a. Dan Richter
    Sysop - Castle Rock BBS (RCS)
    telnet://bbs.castlerockbbs.com
    http://www.castlerockbbs.com
    The sparrows are flying again....

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 2018/01/01 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri Mar 23 04:18:01 2018

    ***********************************

    After being at sea in the Persian Gulf for 90 straight days, I
    went to the squadron command master chief to complain. "Chief,
    I joined the Navy to see the world," I said, "but for the past
    three months all I've seen is water."

    "Lieutenant," he replied, "three-quarters of the earth is covered
    with water, and the Navy has been showing you that. If you wanted
    to see the other quarter, you should have joined the Army."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat Mar 24 04:18:31 2018

    ***********************************

    A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he
    could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the
    next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

    The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate
    at night!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun Mar 25 04:18:14 2018

    ***********************************

    A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
    sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat
    down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
    Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
    towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air,
    and hands it back.
    "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
    "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
    They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater
    followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams
    and he shares his. She listens.
    After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
    her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast.
    The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
    The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!
    "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to
    every guy you meet?".
    "No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon Mar 26 04:18:49 2018

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    Office executive "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?"
    Boss "Certainly not!"
    Office executive "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be
    understanding."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue Mar 27 04:18:36 2018

    ***********************************

    I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said "Final Notice".
    Good that he will not bother me anymore.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed Mar 28 04:18:56 2018

    ***********************************

    One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed
    a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her
    arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen. After about
    15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only
    now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help
    and she replied, It's about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty
    minutes ago!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A38 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu Mar 29 04:22:19 2018

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    Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt!

    Yes sir, thats because it was only ground this morning.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri Mar 30 04:22:38 2018

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    You don't see many reindeer in zoos, do you?
    No. They can't afford the admission.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat Mar 31 04:22:26 2018

    ***********************************

    A wife is like a hand grenade.
    Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun Apr 1 04:22:21 2018

    ***********************************

    Algebra teacher: "What is seven Q plus three Q?"

    Student: "Ten Q."

    Teacher: "You're welcome."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon Apr 2 04:22:13 2018

    ***********************************

    Q: What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it
    hits your windshield?
    A: Its butt.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue Apr 3 04:21:51 2018

    ***********************************

    A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation
    frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the
    nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower,
    he said, "Guess who?"

    The controller switched the field lights off and replied,
    "Guess where!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed Apr 4 04:21:54 2018

    ***********************************

    There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river
    deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites
    the elephant's tail, really hard.

    Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same
    river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that
    bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.

    The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can,
    sending him flying way off into the jungle.

    "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.

    "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied.

    "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.

    "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu Apr 5 04:22:19 2018

    ***********************************

    A patient was at her docto's office after undergoing a complete physical
    exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have
    six months to live."

    The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"

    The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."

    "Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.

    "No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri Apr 6 04:22:30 2018

    ***********************************

    A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip
    of her index finger shot off.
    "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
    "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
    "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting
    your finger off?"
    "No silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I
    thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not
    shooting myself in the chest."
    "So then?" asked the doctor.
    "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00
    to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
    "So then?"
    "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make
    a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled
    the trigger."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat Apr 7 04:22:20 2018

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You vastly overrate your powers of persuasion. Marlon Moore of Miami
    filed a fraudulent tax return, and the IRS promptly sent him a $10,000
    refund. So figuring, Why not try my luck again?, he sent in three more
    tax returns. But even the IRS raised an eyebrow at cutting him a check
    for the total amount of the refunds: more than $14 trillion. Moore
    pleaded guilty to cashing the $10,000 check.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun Apr 8 04:21:39 2018

    ***********************************

    As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant?

    The defense attorney took a different approach, however. "I see you are
    a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?"

    "English and theater," I responded.

    "Then I guess I better watch my grammar," the defense attorney quipped.

    "No," I shot back. "You better watch your acting."

    When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From Barry Martin@454:1/1 to All on Sat Apr 7 08:25:00 2018


    JOKEMASTER wrote to ALL <=-

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You vastly overrate your powers of persuasion. Marlon Moore
    of Miami filed a fraudulent tax return, and the IRS promptly sent
    him a $10,000 refund. So figuring, Why not try my luck again?, he
    sent in three more tax returns. But even the IRS raised an
    eyebrow at cutting him a check for the total amount of the
    refunds: more than $14 trillion. Moore pleaded guilty to cashing
    the $10,000 check.

    Weel I thought surely this had to be a true joke post or at least an exaggeration. Nope! Quick search on Google: http://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/feds-indict-miami-man-who-tried-to-ste al-14-trillion-from-the-irs-6544276


    ¯ ®
    ¯ Barry_Martin_3@ ®
    ¯ @Q.COM ®
    ¯ ®


    ... Those who make sponges get very absorbed in their work.
    --- MultiMail/Win32 v0.47
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  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon Apr 9 04:18:47 2018

    ***********************************

    I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger,
    and then it hit me.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue Apr 10 04:19:03 2018

    ***********************************

    Q: Why did the chicken go to the s‚ance?

    A: To get to the other side.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed Apr 11 04:18:59 2018

    ***********************************

    They threw me out of the cinema today for bringing my own food.
    But come on - the prices are way too high,
    plus I haven't had a barbecue in months.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu Apr 12 04:18:47 2018

    ***********************************

    My husband's cousin married a former Marine who now works for United
    Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears
    - one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy
    seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full
    Marine dress. "See, Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and
    then to the bear. "That's Daddy."

    Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a
    puzzled voice, "You used to be a bear?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri Apr 13 04:18:10 2018

    ***********************************

    I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today.
    That's 7 years in a row now.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat Apr 14 04:19:07 2018

    ***********************************

    My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening,
    as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke
    and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had
    received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the
    alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them. I
    found them in the bathroom, washing their hands.

    Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify
    the sound.

    "It's the smoke detector," they replied in unison.

    "Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.

    "Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner's ready."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun Apr 15 04:19:05 2018

    ***********************************

    Justice isn't just blind-it's snickering at these real courtroom give-and-takes:

    Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would happen to you if you told
    a lie?

    Witness: Yes. I would go to hell.

    Judge: Is that all?

    Witness: Isn't that enough?

    -

    Q: Isn't it a fact that you have been running around with another woman?

    A: Yes, it is, but you can't prove it!

    -

    Q: Have you ever heard about taking the Fifth?

    A: A fifth of wine?

    Q: No, the Fifth Amendment.

    -

    Q: What did your sister die of?

    A: You would have to ask her. I would be speculating if I told you.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon Apr 16 04:18:45 2018

    ***********************************

    It is evening. Little Johnny and his friend are sitting by a camp fire.

    They've been plagued by swarms of mosquitoes already for an hour and
    the assault only worsens when the darkness sets in.

    Suddenly, fireflies appear. Little Johnny swears: "These darn mosquitoes!
    Now they've even brought lanterns with them to find us!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue Apr 17 04:18:53 2018

    ***********************************

    Jill: How did you find the weather on your vacation?

    Bill: I just went outside and there it was!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed Apr 18 04:18:46 2018

    ***********************************

    Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
    A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu Apr 19 04:18:04 2018

    ***********************************

    A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor
    took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home,
    the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.

    In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back
    and see me."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri Apr 20 04:18:09 2018

    ***********************************

    Pat was dying. His wife, Kristi, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by
    his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
    praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
    began to move slightly. "My darling Kristi," he whispered.

    "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."

    He was insistent. "Kristi," he said in his tired voice. "I...I Have
    something I must confess to you."

    "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Kristi. "Everything's
    all right, go to sleep."

    "No, no. I must die in peace, Kristi. I...I slept with your sister, your
    best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

    "I know," Kristi whispered softly. "That's why I poisoned you."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat Apr 21 04:19:10 2018

    ***********************************

    A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.
    One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he
    looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out
    here can I come in?"

    the man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!"
    and he kicked the snail down the mountain.

    One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and
    then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said,
    "What did you do that for?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun Apr 22 04:19:19 2018

    ***********************************

    Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation?

    A. I mist you.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon Apr 23 04:19:12 2018

    ***********************************

    A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

    The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel?"

    The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue Apr 24 04:17:02 2018

    ***********************************

    Our family took shelter in the basement after hearing a tornado warning.
    My husband told everyone to stay put while he got his cell phone out of
    the car, in case the lines went dead.

    He didn't return for the longest time, so I went looking for him. I was upstairs calling his name, when I heard our phone machine click on.

    "Hi," a voice said. "This is Dad. I'm locked out of the house."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed Apr 25 04:16:54 2018

    ***********************************

    When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with
    The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu Apr 26 04:17:02 2018

    ***********************************

    Q: Why was six scared of seven?
    A: Because seven "ate" nine.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri Apr 27 04:16:56 2018

    ***********************************

    Why are there interstates in Hawaii?

    Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

    Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?

    What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat Apr 28 04:16:49 2018

    ***********************************

    Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of
    a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.

    Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

    "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going
    to have to write you a ticket."

    Amazed, the driver asked for what.

    The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun Apr 29 04:17:43 2018

    ***********************************

    When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law
    answered, "Marc, with a C." Minutes later, he was handed his coffee
    with his name written on the side: Cark.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon Apr 30 04:18:19 2018

    ***********************************

    A man walked into a lawyer's office.
    "How much does your advice cost?" he asked the lawyer.
    "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer.
    "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
    "Yes," the lawyer replied, "And what was your third question?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue May 1 04:18:23 2018

    ***********************************

    An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck.

    Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
    He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him.
    He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

    As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

    On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

    "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed May 2 04:24:25 2018

    ***********************************

    Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle?

    A. Wheeeee!!!!!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu May 3 04:18:26 2018

    ***********************************

    Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of
    silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we ever
    got to the accident site."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri May 4 04:18:24 2018

    ***********************************

    While editing announcements for a newspaper, I came across an item
    promoting a camp for children with asthma. Aside from all the wonderful activities the kids could enjoy, such as canoeing, swimming, crafts and
    more, it promised that its lakefront property offered something the
    kids probably did not expect: "breathtaking views."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat May 5 04:18:17 2018

    ***********************************

    A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says,
    "Give me all the money or you're geography!"

    The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're
    history?'"

    The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun May 6 04:18:31 2018

    ***********************************

    Safety is job one in the Air Force. Overstating the obvious is job two,
    as I discovered when crawling into my military-issue sleeping bag. The
    label read: "In case of an emergency, unzip and exit through the top."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon May 7 04:18:58 2018

    ***********************************

    Air Force Truisms

    "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

    "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

    "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

    "Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to
    successfully complete the flight."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue May 8 04:18:17 2018

    ***********************************

    I surf the web a lot, and I guess I was using too much bandwidth,
    because the other day I got an automated phone call from my service
    provider. It was The Rolling Stones singing,
    "Hey, you. Get off of my cloud!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed May 9 04:18:21 2018

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Weevil

    Weevil who?

    Weevil weevil rock you.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu May 10 04:18:18 2018

    ***********************************

    Q: Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

    A: It's two gross.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri May 11 04:18:26 2018

    ***********************************

    What are the hottest days during summer?

    Sun-days

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat May 12 04:23:38 2018

    ***********************************

    A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

    "I have an interesting case here," he says. "A woman shot her husband
    for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

    "Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant.

    "No, not yet. The floor's still wet."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun May 13 04:22:16 2018

    ***********************************

    There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another
    dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

    When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street
    and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are, they went
    up to ask her why she was crying she said "A rock fell from the sky,
    landed on my cat and now my cat is dead."

    The men said they were very sorry to here that and walked away.

    The next house they came across a little further down the road there
    was another woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are, they walk up
    to her and asked her why she was crying she said "A brick fell from
    the sky, landed on my dog , and now my dog is dead."

    The men said they were very sorry to hear that and walked away.

    The next house they came across a little further down the road there
    was a man laughing his head off. Wondering what was so funny they
    went up to ask him.

    After they asked him he replied, "I bent over to get the news paper
    this morning , I farted and my whole house blew up!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon May 14 04:18:23 2018

    ***********************************

    Customer: "I'm running Windows '95."
    Tech: "Yes."
    Customer: "My computer isn't working now."
    Tech: "Yes, you said that."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue May 15 04:19:01 2018

    ***********************************

    After a rough day spent corralling my rowdy kids, I'd had enough.

    "I think I'm going to sell them," I hissed to my sister.

    "You're crazy," she said.

    "For thinking of selling them?"

    "For thinking someone would buy them."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed May 16 04:18:27 2018

    ***********************************

    A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

    The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

    "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

    The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

    The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need
    anything, just let me know," he says.

    A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to
    her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to
    help?"

    "No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said
    that HER mom died too!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu May 17 04:18:58 2018

    ***********************************

    What is uglier than an aardvark?

    Two aardvarks.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri May 18 04:18:36 2018

    ***********************************

    My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him
    that Buddha is not Greek.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat May 19 04:18:22 2018

    ***********************************

    Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
    A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun May 20 04:18:32 2018

    ***********************************

    Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other,
    what do you have?
    A: Big hands.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon May 21 04:18:37 2018

    ***********************************

    Have you heard of the band '1023MB'?
    They haven't got a gig yet.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue May 22 04:18:22 2018

    ***********************************

    What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

    Gee, I'll never part with it!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed May 23 04:19:10 2018

    ***********************************

    What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over
    the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?

    Nothing, he didn't recognize them!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu May 24 04:18:59 2018

    ***********************************

    During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).
    When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a
    seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.
    He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went
    to answer the call. The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and
    the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the
    room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one
    go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running
    over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I
    ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping
    my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure
    was indescribable! Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end
    of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my
    napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He
    asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had
    not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
    seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused,
    "Happy Birthday!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri May 25 04:18:36 2018

    ***********************************

    There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands
    holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist.

    A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should
    be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being
    indecent, while both hands hold your hat."

    She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old;
    this hat is brand new!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat May 26 04:18:37 2018

    ***********************************

    A: I have the perfect son.
    B: Does he smoke?
    A: No, he doesn't.
    B: Does he drink whiskey?
    A: No, he doesn't.
    B: Does he ever come home late?
    A: No, he doesn't.
    B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
    A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun May 27 04:18:33 2018

    ***********************************

    When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit does he order?

    A zoo-t suit!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Mon May 28 04:18:32 2018

    ***********************************

    The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto
    the porch. Someone dialed 911.

    When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and
    asked if he knew what caused him to faint.

    "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the
    keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with
    the lawn mower."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Tue May 29 04:18:29 2018

    ***********************************

    I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation,
    so I called the airlines to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," the cheery salesperson replied.

    "And what about Salt Lake City?"

    "We have a really great rate to Salt Lake-$99," she said "But there is
    a stopover."

    "Where?"

    "In Denver," she said.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Wed May 30 04:18:28 2018

    ***********************************

    When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only
    Jewish kid in the class. But it's a decent town and nobody really bothers
    him.

    One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the greatest person who ever
    lived? and why?" And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill
    in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars".

    All of the kids called out their guesses. One said "George Washington - because he was the father of our country."

    "That's excellent" said the teacher.

    Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed the slaves."

    "That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an excellent,
    but still being polite.

    One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she saved France."

    Another excellent choice said the teacher.

    Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. So the teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think was the greatest person who ever lived, and
    why?"

    And Abraham said "Jesus Christ."

    The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm very surprised. Class,
    I think we can all agree that Abraham should get the twenty dollars." And
    she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money. At recess, the teacher was still
    very impressed. So she asked Abraham why he said Jesus.

    Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was the greatest person who
    ever lived, but... business is business!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Thu May 31 04:18:26 2018

    ***********************************

    What is hail?

    Hard boiled rain!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Fri Jun 1 04:18:31 2018

    ***********************************

    A man to a psychiatrist: "How do you select who should be admitted
    to your facility?"

    The psychiatrist replies: "We fill a bathtub with water and give the
    person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty
    the bathtub."

    The man smiles: "Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the
    bucket."

    The Psychiatrist replies: "No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want
    a room with or without a balcony?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sat Jun 2 04:18:30 2018

    ***********************************

    Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
    Student: "Meat!"
    Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
    Student: "Bacon!"
    Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
    Student: "Homework!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)
  • From JokeMaster@454:1/3 to All on Sun Jun 3 04:18:37 2018

    ***********************************

    My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes one whose intended
    purpose was always a mystery. It looks like a cross between a metal
    slotted spoon and a spatula, so I use it as both. When not in use, it
    is prominently displayed in a decorative ceramic utensil caddy in my
    kitchen.

    The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one
    in its original packaging at a rummage sale.

    It's a pooper-scooper.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.1.1
    (c)2018


    <eof>

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A39 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: ILink-Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (454:1/3)