From Daryl Stout@HURRICAN/THUNDER to All on Wed Dec 21 15:35:00 2016
* Originally in: Clean Jokes
* Originally on: 12-21-16 14:54
* Originally by: Robert E Starr JR @QWKNET
* Originally to: All @QWKNET*316
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop their needles.
Why couldn't the butterfly go to the fancy Christmas dance?
It was a moth ball!
Where does Santa go swimming?
The North Pool!
What do you call a cat that likes to dig in the sand?
I went to my friend's house recently and noticed that his Christmas tree was bare except for a shotgun shell near the top. I asked, "What's the deal, no decorations?" Puzzled, he looked at me and said, "What do you mean? It's a cartridge in a bare tree."
Why can't you gain weight by eating pretzels?
Because its knot food.
What happens when an egg laughs?
It cracks up!
Why did the kid put his head on the piano?
Because he wanted to play by ear.
How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
What do snakes put on their kitchen floors?
Define "Principal": The king's son's friend
Use "Aorta" in a sentence: AORTA cut the grass down by the ball field so the kids don't get hurt. (Jeff Foxworthy)
"I'll use my stopwatch to see how fast it moves," said Tom, seconding the motion.
Headline: POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
PUNS & OTHER HUMOR
The doctor fell in the well and broke his collarbone. Which proves that doctors should tend the sick and leave the well alone.
They arrested the barber for running a clip joint. (Cynthia MacGregor)
Robin Hood and his merry men were in Sherwood Forest celebrating and drinking. Friar Tuck started to sing louder and louder with each drink. Robin, fearing that the Sheriff's men might hear the band celebrate, dragged the friar into the woods and threw him in the river, but Tuck climbed out without missing a note. The moral of the story? You can lead a drunk to water, but you cannot make him hoarse.
When the Post Office delivers only some of your packages, the service they have just provided is Partial post (Cynthia MacGregor)
When a snail loses it's shell it looks sluggish. (Mike Bull)