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  • Reader's Digest Humour in Uniform

    From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Mon Oct 10 07:51:00 2022
    WRONG TARGET
    It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first
    shot. "Good news and bad news," my instructor said. "The good news: You got a bull's eye." Before my head could swell too much, he added, "But it was in somebody else's target." --Gene Newman

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  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Tue Oct 11 07:46:04 2022
    MILITARY LESSON: NEVER VOLUNTEER
    During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had "artistic" abilities. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian
    life, I raised my hand. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass... except me. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldier's name onto his Army-issued underwear. Steven Silver, Scarsdale, New York

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Clear +8C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Wed Oct 12 07:46:56 2022
    THE DEADLIEST JOB IN WWII
    My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?" Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Probably. I was the cook." Marian Babula, Penn Run, Pennsylvania

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Partly cloudy +14C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Thu Oct 13 07:41:42 2022
    PAPA BEAR
    My husband's cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears -- one in a
    UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. "See, Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. "That's Daddy." Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, "You used to be a bear?" Submitted by Robin Yedlock

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Overcast +13C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Fri Oct 14 07:42:34 2022
    BABY'S FIRST ARMY ROLL CALL
    During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant
    got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silent--eyebrows arched, brain overloaded. After a long pause, he thundered, "The alphabet?!" John DiFeliciantonio, Ventnor City, New Jersey

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    --- Binbrook, ON: Clear +5C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Sat Oct 15 07:05:22 2022
    WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
    When our ship stopped in the Atlantic Ocean for a "swim call," the chief boatswain noticed how nervous I was. "Don't worry," he assured me. "You are never more than three miles from land." Then he added, "Straight down." --Robert McPaul, Millsboro, Delaware

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Clear +11C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Sun Oct 16 07:38:14 2022
    PREGNANT WITH DOUBT
    When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not
    participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. The sergeant's reply: "Completely, sir."

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Sunny +6C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Mon Oct 17 07:23:28 2022
    DEPLOYMENT
    When the Air Force deployed me overseas, my daughter's friend asked her where I was headed.
    "Guantanamo Bay," my daughter said.
    "Oh, my God!" her friend shrieked. "What did he do?"

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Overcast +7C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Tue Oct 18 07:38:40 2022
    SERVED IN BALTIMORE
    My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. "I served in Japan," said Uncle Sid. "I served in Korea," said Uncle Jerry. "Baltimore," said Dad. "Keeping it safe for democracy." --Lori Shandle-Fox

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Overcast +6C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Wed Oct 19 07:19:50 2022
    SETTING UP A BRIGADE
    My brother and I arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, our
    unit was dragged out of bed by our drill sergeant and made to assemble outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?"
    My six-foot-three, 280-pound brother raised his hand and said, "Yes, sir, I do."
    Our sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the group. "Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now, is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?"

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Partly cloudy +2C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Thu Oct 20 07:43:16 2022
    AIR FORCE TRUISMS
    "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you." "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire." "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers." "Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Partly cloudy +2C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Fri Oct 21 07:54:46 2022
    SGT. NIMROD
    I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, "Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard." The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Gary Toohard. G. C., via mail

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Partly cloudy +4C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Sat Oct 22 07:01:18 2022
    WHAT REALLY MATTERS
    Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been
    canceled for the second time, but that our semi-annual physical-fitness test was still on as planned. "Does it bother anyone else," one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn't seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Partly cloudy +10C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Sun Oct 23 07:55:14 2022
    PAPA BEAR
    My husband's cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears -- one in a
    UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. "See, Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. "That's Daddy." Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, "You used to be a bear?" Submitted by Robin Yedlock

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Clear +10C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Mon Oct 24 07:02:48 2022
    STANDING VIOLATION
    Sign above the toilet in a women's latrine at Camp Ripley in Minnesota: "If you are reading this sign while using this latrine, you are in the wrong
    one." Mike Lins, Savage, Minnesota

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Clear +7C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Tue Oct 25 07:51:14 2022
    UNCLEAN
    Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home one evening to tell me he would be late. "Dirty magazines were
    discovered in the platoon quarters," he said, "and the whole squad is being disciplined."
    I launched into a tirade, arguing that Marines should not be penalized for something so trivial.
    My husband interrupted. "Honey, when I said 'dirty magazines,' I meant the clips from their rifles hadn't been cleaned."

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    --- Unknown location; please try ~43.1209489,-79.8038923
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Wed Oct 26 07:34:10 2022
    BAND OR OFFICER
    While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I
    attended a nearby wedding. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officer's dress blue uniform. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. He then made his way to my side. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, "The band entrance is that way." --Gordon Van Otteren

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Partly cloudy +12C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Thu Oct 27 07:38:30 2022
    DOING WHAT YOU ARE TOLD
    The colonel who served as inspector general in our command paid particular attention to how personnel wore their uniforms. On one occasion he spotted a junior airman with a violation. "Airman," he bellowed, "what do you do when a shirt pocket is unbuttoned?"
    The startled airman replied, "Button it, sir!"
    The colonel looked him in the eye and said, "Well?"
    At that, the airman nervously reached over and buttoned the colonel's shirt pocket.

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Partly cloudy +4C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Fri Oct 28 07:13:20 2022
    WHAT REALLY MATTERS
    Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been
    canceled for the second time, but that our semi-annual physical-fitness test was still on as planned. "Does it bother anyone else," one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn't seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Clear -1C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Sat Oct 29 07:25:46 2022
    NO SMOKING
    I was in our local VA hospital when a clerk began scolding a veteran who'd
    lit up a cigarette in a no-smoking area. "Sir!" she barked. "When did you start smoking?"

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Clear -1C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Sun Oct 30 07:16:46 2022
    NO-SENSE SENSOR
    A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. "Do you know where the sensor is located?" my coworker asked. "Of course," he responded. "It's where we park the helicopters." Angelo Giordano, Bellevue, Nebraska

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Clear -0C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)
  • From Northern Realms@21:3/110 to All on Mon Oct 31 07:10:12 2022
    NO-SENSE SENSOR
    A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. "Do you know where the sensor is located?" my coworker asked. "Of course," he responded. "It's where we park the helicopters." Angelo Giordano, Bellevue, Nebraska

    (C) 2022 Trusted Media Brands, Inc. - All rights reserved https://www.rd.com/jokes/military

    --- Binbrook, ON: Clear +5C, UV Index: 1
    * Origin: Northern Realms | tg.nrbbs.net | 289-424-5180 (21:3/110)