• Intelligence check-up

    From George Pope@1:153/757.2 to All on Mon Jun 7 00:30:30 2021
    "MY PARENTS RAISED ME AS AN ONLY CHILD, WHICH REALLY ANNOYED MY YOUNGER BROTHER."

    Did that joke make you grimace or recoil in horror? Or did you laugh out loud even though you know you probably shouldn't have? If so, then it was probably
    a horrific joke that some would categorize as "dark humor"—and it's not for everyone, obviously. But if twisted and macabre dark jokes make you giggle,
    it could be a sign that you're smarter than the average person.

    It's true, and it's been proven by science. A 2017 study by Austrian neurologists published in Cognitive Processing found that people who
    appreciate dark jokes, which they define as "humor that treats sinister subjects like death, disease, deformity, handicap, or warfare with bitter amusement," may actually have higher IQs than those who don't. What's more, they're less negative and aggressive than people who strictly prefer G-rated family-friendly jokes. Why? Because if you can see the humor in even the bleakest parts of life, and you can laugh at truly dark jokes, you're less likely to take the world too seriously.

    Want to find out if you're also a happy-go-lucky genius? Take a look at these 25 hilarious dark jokes, and if you catch yourself guffawing despite the gruesome subject matter, you may just be the kindest, most intelligent person you know.

    1. My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljnm,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
    2. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset. Turns out, I'm
    not gonna be a doctor.
    3. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
    4. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
    5. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man
    responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
    6. When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his
    favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
    7. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working
    fine!
    8. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not
    if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
    9. "What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
    10. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute
    or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates. 11. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor
    guy.
    12. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
    13. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
    14. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
    15. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we
    can drop them off tomorrow.
    16. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile
    to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
    17. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
    So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
    18. I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
    19. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
    20. Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones
    instead, they have 206 of them.
    21. I'll never forget my Granddad's last words to me just before he died.
    "Are you still holding the ladder?"
    22. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more
    bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a
    monkey.
    23. What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
    24. "I work with animals," the guy says to his date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?" "I'm a butcher," he says.
    25. Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the
    corner.

    Your friend,

    <+]:{)}
    Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
    * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to George Pope on Mon Jun 7 13:49:00 2021
    George,

    "MY PARENTS RAISED ME AS AN ONLY CHILD, WHICH REALLY ANNOYED MY YOUNGER BROTHER."

    I'm 21 months older than my brother...but while we were raised in the same household, our interests are as different as night and day.

    Did that joke make you grimace or recoil in horror? Or did you laugh
    out loud even though you know you probably shouldn't have? If so, then
    it was probably a horrific joke that some would categorize as "dark humor"—and it's not for everyone, obviously. But if twisted and macabre dark jokes make you giggle, it could be a sign that you're smarter than the average person.

    Some folks don't even care for pun humor (play on words). When the girdle
    was first invented, the woman trying it on was asked if it fit properly. She replied "Of corset does"...or am I skirting the real issue here?? <G>

    It's true, and it's been proven by science. A 2017 study by Austrian neurologists published in Cognitive Processing found that people who appreciate dark jokes, which they define as "humor that treats sinister subjects like death, disease, deformity, handicap, or warfare with
    bitter amusement," may actually have higher IQs than those who don't.

    I wonder if that could apply to punny humor, as noted above.

    What's more, they're less negative and aggressive than people who
    strictly prefer G-rated family-friendly jokes. Why? Because if you can
    see the humor in even the bleakest parts of life, and you can laugh at truly dark jokes, you're less likely to take the world too seriously.

    If you can laugh at yourself, then I'd think you have a higher IQ, and possibly a higher self esteem...although the latter could be dependent on
    the situation at hand.

    1. My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get
    off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljnm,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

    That's gonna leave a mark. :P

    2. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

    You do have a PhD. Piled Higher And Deeper. By the way, that diagnosis
    just cost you $250. <G>

    3. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
    Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

    I guess the Little Bo Peep Tour Service wasn't the right name, either; because all the people on the tour went to sheep and went on the lamb.

    4. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a
    sight for psoriasis.

    Those yeast infections happen even if you're allergic to bread.

    5. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking
    tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking
    tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

    Who got stumped in the conversation??

    6. When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried
    in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

    Boris needs to get his Karl Off of things.

    7. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working."
    I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door, and
    it's working fine!

    I'm on a light seafood diet. As soon as it's light, and I see food, I
    start eating. Besides, if they didn't want us to have a midnight snack,
    why did they put lights in the refrigerator and freezer??

    8. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

    Breaking your fast could break you faster.

    9. "What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter
    but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

    Say that 3 times fast.

    10. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them
    on dates.

    Maybe they are both real cut-ups.

    11. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.

    He must have an oversupply of blood, or he doesn't bleed that much. Or
    he could be a true bloodhound...he'll bleed on command. :P

    12. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

    So are concrete blocks.

    13. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."

    A classical gas is a Mozart Fart.

    14. Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    A hot time in the old town tonight. Sounds like the couple who grabbed the Vicks Vapor Rub instead of the Astroglide. :P

    15. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not
    want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact
    details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

    Never have children...only grandchildren.

    16. Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

    They were a real pushover.

    17. I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

    If two's company and three's a crowd, then four and five are nine.

    18. I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It
    was impossible to put down.

    Especially if he holds his leg up for a long period of time.

    19. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

    Not the way to solvent a problem.

    20. Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

    The backbone connected to the front bone...

    21. I'll never forget my Granddad's last words to me just before he
    died. "Are you still holding the ladder?"

    I want to die like my grandfather did...asleep. Not like the people in
    his car that were screaming.

    22. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

    Monkeying around is more fun if you've gone bananas. <G>

    23. What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a
    clown into the tiny car.

    Just remove the peanut butter.

    24. "I work with animals," the guy says to his date. "That's so
    sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do
    you work?" "I'm a butcher," he says.

    A woman was looking to buy sections of chicken to cook up, but there was
    no meat in the display case in the store. She particularly wanted the
    breasts, as there's more meat on them. Well, she called the manager, and
    he told her to continue shopping while he checked things out. The items
    were ready in the back, but didn't have the prices on them. So, the manager took care of that, and put the items in the display case.

    The woman was nowhere to be found, so the manager got on the stores
    public address system, and said "Will the woman looking for bigger
    breasts meet the manager at the back of the store??" <G>

    25. Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner.

    I nose you didn't see that coming.

    Daryl

    ... If you think everything's OK, you've overlooked something.
    === MultiMail/Win v0.52
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)
  • From George Pope@1:153/757.2 to Daryl Stout on Tue Jun 8 10:14:28 2021
    I'm 21 months older than my brother...but while we were raised in the
    same
    household, our interests are as different as night and day.

    That's not so unusual. You were likely in different grades, so had slightly different school influences in your respective formative years. . .

    Some folks don't even care for pun humor (play on words). When the
    girdle
    was first invented, the woman trying it on was asked if it fit properly.
    She
    replied "Of corset does"...or am I skirting the real issue here?? <G>

    You may have noticed: I *LOVE* puns! It helps me identify who's intelligent
    in the crowd. . . so I know where to find a good conversation. . .

    It's true, and it's been proven by science. A 2017 study by Austrian neurologists published in Cognitive Processing found that people who appreciate dark jokes, which they define as "humor that treats
    sinister
    subjects like death, disease, deformity, handicap, or warfare with bitter amusement," may actually have higher IQs than those who don't.

    I wonder if that could apply to punny humor, as noted above.

    It's been well noted, in other surveys, that intelligent people love to pun!

    > If you can laugh at yourself, then I'd think you have a higher IQ, and
    possibly a higher self esteem...although the latter could be dependent on the situation at hand.

    If one person calls you an ass, laugh about it.
    If two people cal you an ass, ignore them.
    If three peoplecall you an ass, check yourself for long ears.

    > You do have a PhD. Piled Higher And Deeper. By the way, that diagnosis
    just cost you $250. <G>

    I never pay over $130 in Florida! (for a house/hotel call doctor, even!)

    4. The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.

    Those yeast infections happen even if you're allergic to bread.

    *especially if?

    True story: all the yeast we use today likely traces it's ancestry back to
    one man's foot fungus. (stomped on grapes to make alcoholic wine)

    5. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

    Who got stumped in the conversation??

    If you think I know, yu're barkng up the wrong tree, mate. .

    Oak-ay, on to the next. . .


    I'm on a light seafood diet. As soon as it's light, and I see food, I start eating. Besides, if they didn't want us to have a midnight snack,
    why did they put lights in the refrigerator and freezer??


    Works for me!

    9. "What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

    Say that 3 times fast.

    "thatthatthat."

    Why?

    12. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

    So are concrete blocks.

    but those aren't necessarily red?

    A hot time in the old town tonight. Sounds like the couple who grabbed
    the
    Vicks Vapor Rub instead of the Astroglide. :P

    Or the poor sap whose Best Man was a dentist, who, for a gag, slipped some numbing agent into the lube before the happy newlyweds went on their
    homeymoon!

    > Never have children...only grandchildren.

    Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing our own children.

    19. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

    Not the way to solvent a problem.

    If you're not part ofd the solution. . you're precipitate.


    ... If you think everything's OK, you've overlooked something.

    Oklahoma is OK.

    I bet some snivel serpent got a big bonus for that one! Then he spent it all on magic beans. . .

    Beans, beans, the musical fruit
    The more you ear the more you toot.
    The more you toot, the better you feel
    So just eat beans at every meal!

    Your friend,

    <+]:{)}
    Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
    * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)
  • From George Pope@1:153/757.2 to George Pope on Tue Jun 8 10:40:49 2021
    "MY PARENTS RAISED ME AS AN ONLY CHILD, WHICH REALLY ANNOYED MY YOUNGER BROTHER."

    Did that joke make you grimace or recoil in horror? Or did you laugh out loud even though you know you probably shouldn't have? If so, then it was probably
    a horrific joke that some would categorize as "dark humor"—and it's not
    for
    everyone, obviously. But if twisted and macabre dark jokes make you
    giggle,
    it could be a sign that you're smarter than the average person.

    Dude! You're not supposed to repost back in to the echo you got it from --
    it's here already!

    This isn't Facebook -- we adhere to a higher standard on Fido (most of Fido! *LOL*) than the internet does. . .
    ObPuns:

    If scientists made an exact duplicate of Elsa ...
    ... would it be an Ice Queen Clone?

    My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls.
    I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted
    to name the second one. I answered DupliKate.

    "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." --S. Wright (funny oneliner guy)

    John: I don't understand the science behind cloning
    Jon: That makes two of us.

    I asked Rick Astley to let me borrow his copy of the movie UP.
    He said he'd never give it to me.
    [pause for thinking]

    Q: Where should you keep your copy of the Communist Manifesto?
    A: In the Lenin closet

    Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today.

    Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today.

    Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today.

    Your friend,

    <+]:{)}
    Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
    * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)