• The Baptist Dog

    From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Wed Jul 8 16:41:59 2020
    A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever
    mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist.
    They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally,
    they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog
    they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his
    wife.

    "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf,
    scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.

    "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the
    floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through
    and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor
    and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.

    That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and
    his wife began to show off the! dog, having him locate several Bible
    verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do
    regular dog tricks, too?"

    "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at
    the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on
    a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl.

    The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's
    Pentecostal!"
    --- SBBSecho 3.11-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Wed Oct 7 00:06:18 2020
    A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever
    mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist.
    They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally,
    they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog
    they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his
    wife.

    "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf,
    scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.

    "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the
    floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through
    and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor
    and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.

    That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and
    his wife began to show off the! dog, having him locate several Bible
    verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do
    regular dog tricks, too?"

    "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at
    the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on
    a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl.

    The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's
    Pentecostal!"
    --- SBBSecho 3.11-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Sun Mar 7 00:04:07 2021
    A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever
    mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist.
    They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally,
    they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog
    they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his
    wife.

    "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf,
    scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.

    "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the
    floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through
    and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor
    and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.

    That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and
    his wife began to show off the! dog, having him locate several Bible
    verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do
    regular dog tricks, too?"

    "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at
    the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on
    a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl.

    The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's
    Pentecostal!"
    --- SBBSecho 3.13-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Mon Jun 7 00:04:03 2021
    A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever
    mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist.
    They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally,
    they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog
    they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his
    wife.

    "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf,
    scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.

    "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the
    floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through
    and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor
    and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.

    That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and
    his wife began to show off the! dog, having him locate several Bible
    verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do
    regular dog tricks, too?"

    "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at
    the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on
    a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl.

    The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's
    Pentecostal!"
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)
  • From George Pope@1:153/757.2 to Daryl Stout on Tue Jun 8 10:33:49 2021
    "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at
    the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on
    a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl.

    The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's Pentecostal!"

    I used to say, with a cheeky grin & wink, "You don't NEED to be Mennonite to get to Heaven, but why on Earth would you take any chances?"

    Heard it at MissionsFest when it was in Vancouver late last millennium , but
    as "Baptist". . . :)

    Cheekiness is not denomination-specific. . . :D

    A priest, A Baptist minister, and a rabbit go into a red cross to donate
    blood. The nurse asks "What is your blood type"?
    The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"

    Q: What do Kermit the Frog, John the Baptist and Vlad the Impaler have in common?
    A: Same Middle Name

    I drove by two First Baptist Churches today.
    One of them is lying

    A son asks his father for a new car for his birthday...
    Son: Dad, I turn 16 in a few months and would really like a car for my birthday.

    Father: Well son, I’ll make a deal with you. If you do three things for me, I’ll get you the car. First, you need to improve your grades. Second, I want you to see you in church every Sunday. And finally, I want you to cut your
    long hair.

    A FEW MONTHS PASS

    Son: Dad, next week is my birthday and I’ve done everything you asked. Can I get a car?

    Father: I did notice you got straight A’s on your report card and I’ve seen
    you at church every Sunday. But you didn’t cut you hair. I told you to cut
    your hair.

    Son: I wanted to talk to you about that. In bible study I learned that Moses, John the Baptist, and Jesus all had long hair.

    Father: Yes they did. And they walked everywhere they went.

    My pastor was talking about the influences of mothers in our lives... He proceeded to talk about how his daughter danced and had pleased Herod, and he offered her anything she wanted, up to half the kingdom. The dancer consulted her mother, who said she should request John the Baptist's head.

    This, he informed us, is how to get a head in life.

    Dad tears were present.

    Your friend,

    <+]:{)}
    Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
    * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)