• FidoGazette Vol 11 no 39 Page: 3

    From Janis Kracht@1:261/38 to All on Wed Sep 27 18:14:16 2017
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    H U M O R
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    Thank you to Dave Drum for sending in the following :)

    BRITISH HUMOUR

    1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
    Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they
    had in mind.

    2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to
    find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he
    realized he had made it home safely.

    3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the
    Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.

    4. A teenage boy asks his granny: "Have you seen my pills? They
    were labeled LSD?" Granny replies: " The hell with the pills,
    did you see the dragons in the kitchen?"

    5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby: "What turns you on more, my
    pretty face or my sexy body?" Hubby looks her up and down and
    replies: "Your sense of humor!" (Hospital visiting hours are
    from 5:00 to 6:00.)

    6. A chap's wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for
    making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest
    they should hold auditions for her part. (His viewing will
    be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.)

    7. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap
    could spell disaster.

    8. I woke up this morning at 9:00, and could sense something was
    wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the
    kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know
    what to do. Then I remembered McDonaldCÇÖs serves breakfast
    until 10:30.

    9. My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door.
    She screamed: "I wish you a slow and painful death, you
    bastard!" I replied: "Oh, so now you want me to stay!"

    10. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we
    went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her
    off the Ferris wheel.

    11. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept
    with. I told her: "Only you. All the others kept me awake
    all night!" (The doctor says I should be able to see again in
    about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month.)

    ENJOY!!!

    From Uncle Dirty Dave's Kitchen
    Home of YAAAAHHHHOOOOAAAAHHHH Hot Sauce & Hardin Cider





    FIDOGAZETTE Vol 11 No 39 Page 3 September 27, 2017


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    --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-3
    * Origin: Prism bbs (1:261/38)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to JANIS KRACHT on Thu Sep 28 11:11:00 2017
    Janis,

    1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
    Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they
    had in mind.

    A case of mistaken indemnity. <G>

    2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to
    find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he
    realized he had made it home safely.

    An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2am, and is asked where
    he's going at that hour. The man replies "I'm on my way to a lecture
    about alcohol abuse, and the effects it has on the human body, as well
    as smoking, staying out late, and carousing".

    The police officers then asks "Really?? Who is giving that lecture at
    this time of night".

    The man replies "That would be my wife". <BG>

    3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the
    Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.

    At least there's no squeaks as the items turn. <G>

    4. A teenage boy asks his granny: "Have you seen my pills? They
    were labeled LSD?" Granny replies: " The hell with the pills,
    did you see the dragons in the kitchen?"

    L)arge S)caley D)ragons. <G>

    5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby: "What turns you on more, my
    pretty face or my sexy body?" Hubby looks her up and down and
    replies: "Your sense of humor!" (Hospital visiting hours are
    from 5:00 to 6:00.)

    He must be in pretty bad shape for only an hours viewing. :P

    6. A chap's wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for
    making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest
    they should hold auditions for her part. (His viewing will
    be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.)

    Talk about the end of production!!

    7. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap
    could spell disaster.

    That's as bad as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs playing Scrabble. Her
    first tiles are M, I, D, G, E, T, and S. :P

    8. I woke up this morning at 9:00, and could sense something was
    wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the
    kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know
    what to do. Then I remembered McDonaldCÇÖs serves breakfast
    until 10:30.

    In some markets, they serve it around the clock. Although I saw a
    story last night that "human remains were found in some McDonald's
    Meat". Looks like I'm going to switch to Burger King for breakfast. :(

    9. My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door.
    She screamed: "I wish you a slow and painful death, you
    bastard!" I replied: "Oh, so now you want me to stay!"

    Really.

    10. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we
    went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her
    off the Ferris wheel.

    The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead. :P

    11. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept
    with. I told her: "Only you. All the others kept me awake
    all night!" (The doctor says I should be able to see again in

    (Continued to next message)
    ===
    þ OLX 1.53 þ Velcro - what a rip off!
    --- SBBSecho 3.01-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - wx1der.dyndns.org (1:19/33)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to JANIS KRACHT on Thu Sep 28 11:11:00 2017
    (Continued from previous message)

    about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month.)

    No telling what part she'll break next. :P

    Daryl

    ===
    þ OLX 1.53 þ Velcro - what a rip off!
    --- SBBSecho 3.01-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - wx1der.dyndns.org (1:19/33)