• Crazy English

    From Gleb Hlebov@2:5023/24.4222 to All on Wed Nov 29 13:09:38 2023
    Date: 01-12-91
    From: DALE DAY ------------------------------------------------------------------------



    Here's a pop quiz for all writers (courtesy, "Crazy English"
    by, Richard Lederer, Pocket Books, 1989):

    What do the following words mean:
    1. ANTEBELLUM
    a. against women
    b. against war
    c. after the war
    d. before the war
    2. APIARY
    a. school for mimics
    b. place where apes are kept
    c. place where bees are kept
    d. cupboard for peas
    3. AQUILINE
    a. resembling an eagle
    b. relating to water
    c. relating to synchronized swimming
    d. resembling a porcupine
    4. CUPIDITY
    a. strong desire for wealth
    b. strong desire for love
    c. strong desire for amusement parks
    d. obtuseness
    5. DISINTERESTED
    a. lacking a bank account
    b. unbiased
    c. bored
    d. lacking rest
    6. ENORMITY
    a. great wickedness
    b. great size
    c. normal state
    d. cowardice
    7. FORESTRESS
    a. ancient hair style
    b. female forester
    c. dread anticipation
    d. emphasis on first part of word
    8. FRIABLE
    a. easily crumbled
    b. easily fried
    c. unhealthy
    d. relating to holy orders
    9. HERPETOLOGY - the study of
    a. herbs
    b. herpes
    c. female pets
    d. reptiles
    10. HIPPOPHOBIA - the fear of
    a. hippopotami
    b. horses
    c. getting fat
    d. hippies
    11. INFINITESIMAL
    a. very small
    b. very large
    c. relating to intestines
    d. hesitant
    12. INFLAMMABLE
    a. calm
    b. incredulous
    c. not easily set on fire
    d. easily set on fire
    13. INGENUOUS
    a. insincere
    b. innocent
    c. clever
    d. mentally dull
    14. MERETRICIOUS
    a. falsely attractive
    b. worthy
    c. good tasting
    d. diseased
    15. PRESENTLY
    a. generous with gifts
    b. now
    c. soon
    d. presidentially
    16. PROSODY - the study of
    a. drama
    b. music
    c. prose
    d. versification
    17. RESTIVE
    a. serene
    b. festive
    c. fidgety
    d. pensive
    18. RISIBLE
    a. disposed to laugh
    b. easily lifted
    c. fertile
    d. relating to dawn
    19. TOOTHSOME
    a. displaying prominent teeth
    b. missing teeth
    c. palatable
    d. serrated
    20. VOTARY
    a. democratic country
    b. enthusiast
    c. electoral college
    d. revolving tool

    answers in a few days. This is one of the funniest books on English
    I've read!
    -+-
    Via ProDoor 3.4R The Home Place BBS - Las Vegas - node 1
    ILink The Home Place BBS Las Vegas, Nevada 702-641-5624



    Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)

    & the Temple of the Screaming Electron 415-935-5845
    Just Say Yes 415-922-1613
    Rat Head 415-524-3649
    Cheez Whiz 408-363-9766
    Reality Check 415-474-2602

    Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
    arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
    insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.

    Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
    where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.

    "Raw Data for Raw Nerves"


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  • From Anton Shepelev@2:221/6 to Gleb Hlebov on Wed Nov 29 11:30:40 2023
    Gleb Hlebov:

    Here's a pop quiz for all writers (courtesy, "Crazy
    English" by, Richard Lederer, Pocket Books, 1989):
    [...]

    Those are easy for anyone acquainted with the standard
    Latin prefixes, suffixes, and /some/ roots widely used in
    English. Much more amusing in my opinion are Unca Marvy's
    articles, e.g.:

    https://www.uncamarvy.com/OtherNeatStuff/Essays/04KlangKlang.html
    https://www.uncamarvy.com/OtherNeatStuff/Essays/03SesquipedaliaAndOtherDelights.html

    and the lenendary short story "How I met my wife":

    https://www.ling.upenn.edu/~beatrice/humor/how-i-met-my-wife.html

    ---
    * Origin: nntp://news.fidonet.fi (2:221/6.0)
  • From Anton Shepelev@2:221/6 to Gleb Hlebov on Wed Nov 29 17:51:06 2023
    Gleb Hlebov quoted Richard Lederer:

    7. FORESTRESS
    a. ancient hair style
    b. female forester
    c. dread anticipation
    d. emphasis on first part of word

    This one cracked me up. I couldn't answer it myself -- no chance.

    ---
    * Origin: nntp://news.fidonet.fi (2:221/6.0)
  • From Gleb Hlebov@2:5023/24.4222 to Anton Shepelev on Fri Dec 1 10:21:58 2023
    Hello Anton,

    On Wed 29-11-2023 11:30, Anton Shepelev (2:221/6) wrote to me:

    Here's a pop quiz for all writers (courtesy, "Crazy
    English" by, Richard Lederer, Pocket Books, 1989):
    [...]
    Those are easy for anyone acquainted with the standard
    Latin prefixes, suffixes, and /some/ roots widely used in
    English.

    You're not a university professor, are you?
    There's a good half of them that got me confused. :-)
    Well, that "female forester" one definitely did. If there would be ACTUAL female foresters, how were they called, then?


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  • From Gleb Hlebov@2:5023/24.4222 to All on Fri Dec 1 14:59:08 2023
    Hello, All!

    Here's one more excerpt found among some old BBS textfiles.

    So... Have you foreigners ever heard a word


    "titmouse"?


    Until now I must confess I haven't.
    So, upon seeing a bunch of those, how are you supposed to say:
    "A flock of titmice"? Or, simply "A flock of tits"?
    :-)

    =========================================================================== From: DALE DAY


    Excerpts from "Crazy English" by Richard Lederer (Pocket Books 1989)

    Nonetheless, it is now time to face the fact that English is a
    crazy language.
    In the crazy English language, the blackbird hen is brown,
    blackboards can be blue or green, and blackberries are green and then
    red before they are ripe. Even if blackberries were really black and blueberries really blue, what are strawberries, cranberries, elderberries, huckleberries, raspberries, boysenberries, and gooseberries supposed to
    look like?
    To add to the insanity, there is no butter in buttermilk, no egg in eggplant, neither worms nor wood in wormwood, neither pine nor apple in pineapple, and no ham in a hamburger. (In fact, if somebody invented a
    sandwich consisting of a ham patty in a bun, we would have a hard time
    finding a name for it.) To make matters worse, English muffins weren't
    invented in England, french fries in France, or Danish pastries in Denmark.
    And we discover even more culinary madness in the revelations that sweet-
    meat is made from fruit, while sweetbread, which isn't sweet, is made from meat.
    In this unreliable English tongue, greyhounds aren't always grey (or
    gray), ladybugs and fireflies are beetles, a panda bear is a raccoon, a
    koala bear is a maruspial, a guinea pig is neither a pig nor from Guinea,
    and a titmouse is neither mammal nor mammaried.
    ...
    Why is it that a woman can man a station but a man can't woman one,
    that a man can father a movement but a woman can't mother one, and that a
    king rules a kingdom but a queen doesn't rule a queendom? How did all those Renaissance men reproduce when there doesn't seem to have been any
    Reniassance women?
    A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.
    But fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, hammers don't ham, and hum- dingers don't hum. If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth? One goose, two geese - so one moose, two meese? One index,
    two indices - one Kleenex, two Klennices? If people ring a bell today and
    rang a bell yesterday, why don't we say that they flang a ball? If they wrote
    a letter perhaps they also bote their tongue. If the teacher taught, why
    isn't it also true that the preacher praught? Why is it that the sun shone yesterday while I shined my shoes, that I treaded water and then trod on
    soil, and that I flew out to see a World Series game in which my favorite player flied out?

    <And we wonder why others find English so hard to learn?>
    Again, courtesy of my wife's English teacher, Mr. Gomez
    -+-
    Via ProDoor 3.4R The Home Place BBS - Las Vegas - node 1
    ILink The Home Place BBS Las Vegas, Nevada 702-641-5624



    Another file downloaded from: NIRVANAnet(tm)

    & the Temple of the Screaming Electron 415-935-5845
    Just Say Yes 415-922-1613
    Rat Head 415-524-3649
    Cheez Whiz 408-363-9766
    Reality Check 415-474-2602

    Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
    arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
    insane speculation, and wild rumours. ALL-TEXT BBS SYSTEMS.

    Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
    where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.

    "Raw Data for Raw Nerves" =======================================================================

    WBR, Gleb <Fri 01-12-2023 14:57>
    --- GoldED+/W64-MSVC 1.1.5
    * Origin: Type <sadm> to continue (2:5023/24.4222)
  • From Anton Shepelev@2:221/6 to Gleb Hlebov on Sat Dec 2 14:12:42 2023
    Gleb Hlebov to Anton Shepelev:

    Here's a pop quiz for all writers (courtesy, "Crazy
    English" by, Richard Lederer, Pocket Books, 1989):
    [...]

    Those are easy for anyone acquainted with the standard
    Latin prefixes, suffixes, and /some/ roots widely used
    in English.


    You're not a university professor, are you?

    Not at all. There are not many Latin roots in wide use, and
    one will easily remember them if one will only read rich
    English and, while consulting a dictionalry, pay head not
    only to the meaning, but also to the etymology and
    morphology. The only way to miss those words is be ignoring
    all the most recent English prose. Try some Lovecraft,
    Ashton Smith, Machen, Poe, Gregory Lewis, Melville, (Ann)
    Radcliffe, (Emily) Bronte, or any other good writer, but
    make sure to avoid anything after 1940, or skip the 20th
    sentury altogether to be safe.

    There's a good half of them that got me confused. :-)
    Well, that "female forester" one definitely did. If
    there would be ACTUAL female foresters, how were they
    called, then?

    Simply `forester', accoridng to the old law that the
    masculine principle embraces the feminine.

    ---
    * Origin: nntp://news.fidonet.fi (2:221/6.0)
  • From Anton Shepelev@2:221/6 to Anton Shepelev on Sat Dec 2 14:13:52 2023
    I wrote:

    pay head not only to the meaning,

    The head beging too valuable, pay heed instead.

    ---
    * Origin: nntp://news.fidonet.fi (2:221/6.0)