• Humour

    From Dallas Hinton@1:153/715 to All on Fri Feb 16 13:46:26 2018
    Hi All!
    Here are a few humorous grammar rules!


    Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

    Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Winston Churchill, corrected on
    this error once, responded to the young man who corrected him by saying "Young man, that is the kind of impudence up with which I will not put!

    And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

    It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

    Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

    Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

    Be more or less specific.

    Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

    Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over again.

    No sentence fragments.

    Contractions aren't always necessary and shouldn't be used to excess so don't.

    Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.

    Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous and can be excessive.

    All generalizations are bad.

    Don't use no double negatives.

    Avoid excessive use of ampersands & abbrevs., etc.

    One-word sentences? Eliminate.

    Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake (Unless they are as good as gold).

    The passive voice is to be ignored.

    Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should
    be enclosed in commas.

    Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.

    Don't overuse exclamation points!!!

    Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

    Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
    earth-shaking ideas.

    Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed and use
    it correctly with words' that show possession.

    Don't use too many quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.. Tell me what you know."

    If you've heard it once, you've heard it a billion times: Resist hyperbole; not
    one writer in a million can use it correctly. Besides, hyperbole is always overdone, anyway.

    Puns are for children, not groan readers.

    Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

    Who needs rhetorical questions? However, what if there were no rhetorical questions?

    Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

    Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.

    People don't spell "a lot" correctly alot of the time.

    Each person should use their possessive pronouns correctly.

    All grammar and spelling rules have exceptions (with a few exceptions)....Morgan's Law.

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

    The dash - a sometimes useful punctuation mark - can often be overused - even though it's a helpful tool some of the time.

    Proofread carefully to make sure you don't repeat repeat any words.

    In writing, it's important to remember that dangling sentences.


    Cheers... Dallas

    --- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+
    * Origin: The BandMaster, CANADA [telnet: bandmaster.tzo.com] (1:153/715)
  • From Dallas Hinton@1:153/715 to Anatoliy Kovalenko on Tue Feb 20 02:14:34 2018
    Hi Anatoliy -- on Feb 20 2012 at 10:24, you wrote:

    Thanks, Dallas, its a really drammastically cool rules that is
    billion times better - no, 100 billion times better - then any other grammar grammar book - with all it's sophsticated misinterprets. in
    her content and stuff. Absolutely. And don't be not agree!!! Can
    anyone ever be unagree? John Doe said, "I agree", and also said,
    "so, you, all, must agree".

    Wow, that's quite a paragraph! :-)


    PS: just joking, I really like it. I think funny learning is always
    better than boring learning.

    Humour is a wonderful learning tool!


    Cheers... Dallas

    --- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+
    * Origin: The BandMaster, CANADA [telnet: bandmaster.tzo.com] (1:153/715)
  • From alexander koryagin@2:5020/400 to Dallas Hinton on Sat Feb 17 16:18:32 2018
    From: "alexander koryagin" <koryagin@erec.ru>

    Hi, Dallas Hinton! How are you?
    on Friday, 17 of February, I read your message to All
    about "Humour"

    Here are a few humorous grammar rules!
    Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

    Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Winston Churchill, corrected on this error once, responded to the young man who corrected
    him by saying "Young man, that is the kind of impudence up with which I will not put!

    And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
    [Skipped]

    Probably better to read something like this:

    =========Beginning of the citation==============
    George and I were for camping out. We said it would be so wild and free, so patriarchal like.

    Slowly the golden memory of the dead sun fades from the hearts of the cold, sad clouds. Silent, like sorrowing children, the birds have ceased their song, and only the moorhen's plaintive cry and the harsh croak of
    the corncrake stirs the awed hush around the couch of waters, where the dying day breathes out her last.

    From the dim woods on either bank, Night's ghostly army, the grey shadows, creep out with noiseless tread to chase away the lingering rearguard of the light, and pass, with noiseless, unseen feet, above the waving river-grass, and through the sighing rushes; and Night, upon her sombre throne, folds her black wings above the darkening world, and, from
    her phantom palace, lit by the pale stars, reigns in stillness.

    Then we run our little boat into some quiet nook, and the tent is pitched, and the frugal supper cooked and eaten. Then the big pipes are filled and lighted, and the pleasant chat goes round in musical undertone; while, in the pauses of our talk, the river, playing round the boat, prattles strange old tales and secrets, sings low the old child's song
    that it has sung so many thousand years - will sing so many thousand years
    to come, before its voice grows harsh and old - a song that we, who have learnt to love its changing face, who have so often nestled on its yielding bosom, think, somehow, we understand, though we could not tell
    you in mere words the story that we listen to.

    And we sit there, by its margin, while the moon, who loves it too, stoops down to kiss it with a sister's kiss, and throws her silver arms around it clingingly; and we watch it as it flows, ever singing, ever whispering, out to meet its king, the sea - till our voices die away in silence, and the pipes go out - till we, common-place, everyday young men enough, feel strangely full of thoughts, half sad, half sweet, and do not
    care or want to speak - till we laugh, and, rising, knock the ashes from
    our burnt-out pipes, and say "Good-night, " and, lulled by the lapping water and the rustling trees, we fall asleep beneath the great, still stars, and dream that the world is young again - young and sweet as she
    used to be ere the centuries of fret and care had furrowed her fair face,
    ere her children's sins and follies had made old her loving heart - sweet
    as she was in those bygone days when, a new-made mother, she nursed us,
    her children, upon her own deep breast - ere the wiles of painted civilization had lured us away from her fond arms, and the poisoned sneers
    of artificiality had made us ashamed of the simple life we led with her,
    and the simple, stately home where mankind was born so many thousands years ago.

    =========The end of the citation================


    [...Pride goes before a fall]
    Bye Dallas!
    Alexander (yAlexKo[]yandex.ru) + 2:5020/2140.91
    fido7.english-tutor 2012



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  • From Anatoliy Kovalenko@2:5020/1042.46 to Dallas Hinton on Tue Feb 20 10:24:48 2018
    Hello Dallas!


    Thanks, Dallas, its a really drammastically cool rules that is billion times better - no, 100 billion times better - then any other grammar grammar book - with all it's sophsticated misinterprets. in her content and stuff. Absolutely.
    And don't be not agree!!! Can anyone ever be unagree? John Doe said, "I agree",
    and also said, "so, you, all, must agree".

    PS: just joking, I really like it. I think funny learning is always better than
    boring learning.



    16.02.2012 13:46:26, Dallas Hinton wrote to All:

    Hi All!
    Here are a few humorous grammar rules!



    Bye, Anatoliy.
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  • From alexander koryagin@2:5020/400 to Ardith Hinton on Fri Jul 6 22:01:02 2018
    From: "alexander koryagin" <koryagin@newmail.ru>

    F2EP
    Hi, Ardith Hinton! How are you?
    on Saturday, 01 of March, I read your message to Alexander Koryagin
    about "Humour"

    Awhile ago you were asking what an English(wo)man... defined by my OXFORD CANADIAN DICTIONARY as a person who is English by birth, descent, or naturalization... would perceive as funny. Here are a couple of incidents re the 2014 Olympic Games which I found quite amusing:

    1) According to news reports, Mr. Putin visited the Canadian embassy as the games were about to begin & wished us luck... except in hockey.

    For those who aren't hockey fans his comment may require some explanation. I note with interest, though, that he knew we'd take it in good spirit.... ;-)

    Actually Putin forgot Russian traditions. Probably it will be interesting for you, that if a Russian person wishes somebody luck, that somebody must send the wisher to Devil. ;-) It is a tradition. So, vise versa, when Putin had wished bad luck for Canadian hockey players he actually wished them luck, and shame on him - Russia got poor chances. ;=)

    2) At the closing ceremonies, a bunch of people re-enacted the situation at the opening ceremonies in which the fifth Olypmic ring failed to work as planned. (In 2010 one of the pieces of Vancouver's Olympic torch didn't work initially either.) That's the nature of show business... something usually goes wrong on opening night! But I saw Russians doing what many experienced actors & musicians would have done right here at home: i.e. they found a way to fit it into the plot. By
    so doing they demonstrated clearly to me that they are able to laugh at themselves. I like that... and as we say in English, a picture may be worth a thousand words. :-))

    As for me, I hate when people act as perfect as robots. That's why I don't like ballet, gymnastics etc. They all smile with professional, false, hypocritical smiles. They train themselves around-the-clock, and of course a human cannot love things he repeated thousands of times. The only way out is
    to put on a smiling mask.

    [...Knowledge is the rock you can step upon, faith is the water you must go along]
    Bye Ardith!
    Alexander (yAlexKo[]yandex.ru) + 2:5020/2140.91
    fido7.english-tutor 2014


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